What Ran in My Family Will NOT Run Me!

Some things were handed to me that I never asked for.

Not money. Not property. Not some beautiful family heirloom.

I’m talking about patterns.

Ways of communicating. Ways of handling hurt. Silence. Survival mode. Unhealed wounds. Things that became “normal” simply because they had been happening for generations.

And as I’ve gotten older, healed, raised my Kyds, and grown closer to God, I’ve had to ask myself a difficult question:

Just because it ran in my family… does that mean I have to let it run ME?

My answer is NO.

I Can Love My Family and Still Break the Pattern

Breaking cycles doesn’t mean disrespecting where you came from.

It doesn’t mean blaming your parents or grandparents for everything that went wrong. The truth is, many of them were doing the best they could with what they had been taught.

They were surviving too.

But understanding where something came from doesn’t mean I have to continue carrying it.

I can have compassion for the people before me while still deciding:

This stops with me.

I can say, “I understand why we became this way, but I want something different for myself and my Kyds.”

That’s not betrayal.

That’s growth.

Survival Got Me Here, but Healing Has to Take Me Further

For a long time, survival was enough.

Get up. Handle business. Take care of the Kyds. Push through. Cry later or don’t cry at all. Just keep moving.

And survival served its purpose.

It kept me going.

But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life simply surviving things.

I want peace.

I want healthy communication.

I want boundaries without guilt.

I want to process my emotions instead of burying them.

I want to know when to fight for something and when to release it.

I want to give myself permission to rest.

And most importantly, I want my Kyds to see that strength isn’t pretending nothing hurts.

Sometimes strength is having enough courage to finally deal with what hurts.

My Kyds Deserve a Different Inheritance

When I think about generational wealth, I don’t only think about money.

Yes, I want my Kyds to be financially secure.

But I also want to leave them emotional wealth.

I want them to inherit healthy boundaries.

Confidence.

Accountability.

Faith.

Communication.

The ability to apologize.

The freedom to express their emotions.

The wisdom to recognize unhealthy patterns even when those patterns come wrapped in familiarity.

I want them to understand that love doesn’t require losing yourself.

And I want them to know that asking for help doesn’t make them weak.

THAT is an inheritance too.

But Breaking Cycles Is Uncomfortable

Here’s the part people don’t always talk about.

When you decide to do things differently, everybody isn’t going to understand.

Some people benefited from the old version of you.

Some people were comfortable when you didn’t have boundaries.

Some people understood your silence better than they’ll understand your voice.

And sometimes you’ll even question yourself.

Am I doing too much?

Should I just let it go?

Maybe that’s just how our family is.

No.

There comes a point when “that’s how we’ve always done it” is no longer a good enough reason to keep doing it.

Healing requires honesty.

And honesty sometimes requires admitting that something can be familiar and still be unhealthy.

God, Show Me What Needs to Stop With Me

My prayer isn’t that I become perfect.

My Kyds don’t need a perfect mother.

They need a mother willing to grow.

So I pray:

God, reveal the patterns in me that I cannot see.

Show me what I’ve normalized simply because I grew up around it.

Teach me how to respond differently.

Help me apologize when I’m wrong.

Give me wisdom when I’m parenting from an old wound instead of a healed place.

And when changing becomes uncomfortable, remind me why I started.

Because I’m not only healing for the woman I am today.

I’m changing what gets passed down tomorrow.

4 My Kyds 

One day, you may discover things about yourself that didn’t begin with you.

When you do, don’t be ashamed.

Recognize it.

Face it.

Heal it.

And decide what deserves to continue with you.

You can appreciate where you came from without repeating everything that came from there.

Take the love.

Take the wisdom.

Take the lessons.

Take the strength.

But you do NOT have to take every pattern.

Some things can end with us.

Some things will end with us.

Because what ran in our family…

WILL NOT RUN US.

We’re healing. We’re learning. We’re breaking cycles. And with God’s help, we’re building something healthier for the generations coming behind us.

Everything I do is 4 My Kyds