When You Can’t Fix It

One of the hardest parts of parenting is realizing that some things you simply cannot fix.

And whew… that hurts.

Because from the moment our children enter our lives, fixing things becomes part of the job. Hungry? We feed them. Hurt? We kiss it. Scared? We hold them. Something goes wrong? Momma figures it out.

But then they get older.

And suddenly, the things that hurt them can’t always be fixed with a hug, a conversation, a phone call, or Momma stepping in.

Sometimes your child is hurting, and all you can do is listen.

That has been one of the hardest lessons for me.

I Want to Make It Better

When one of my Kyds tells me they’re hurting, struggling, feeling left out, misunderstood, overwhelmed, or simply not okay, everything in me immediately goes into fix-it mode.

Who do I need to call?

What needs to change?

Where do we need to go?

What can I do?

Because watching your child hurt hits differently.

But I’m learning that every problem doesn’t require me to immediately find a solution.

Sometimes my Kyds don’t need me to fix it.

They need me to hear them.

They need a safe place to say, “This hurts.”

They need to know their feelings won’t be dismissed just because I can’t make the situation disappear.

Sometimes Support Is the Solution

There is power in simply saying:

“I hear you.”

“Your feelings matter.”

“You are not alone.”

“We will figure this out together.”

And maybe the biggest one:

“You don’t have to pretend to be okay with me.”

As parents, we can become so focused on protecting our children from pain that we forget some of their greatest growth will happen through experiences we cannot control.

That doesn’t mean we stand by when they need our protection or advocacy.

It means we learn the difference between stepping in, stepping back, and simply standing beside them.

That takes wisdom.

When Their Pain Triggers Yours

This is the part we don’t talk about enough.

Sometimes what our children are going through touches something that still hurts inside of us.

Their rejection reminds us of ours.

Their loneliness takes us back to ours.

Their insecurity reminds us of the little girl or little boy inside of us who once wondered, “What is wrong with me?”

And before we know it, we aren’t only responding to our child’s pain.

We’re responding to our own.

That’s why parenting while healing requires so much self-awareness.

I have to ask myself:

Am I helping my child through their experience, or am I trying to rewrite mine?

Whew.

Because those are two very different things.

Maybe I’m Not Supposed to Fix Everything

Maybe my job isn’t to make sure my Kyds never experience disappointment, rejection, heartbreak, failure, or difficult seasons.

Maybe my job is to make sure they never have to question whether they have somewhere safe to bring those things.

A place where they can fall apart without judgment.

A place where they can tell the truth.

A place where they are reminded of who they are when life makes them forget.

A place called home.

So when I can’t fix it, I’ll listen.

I’ll pray.

I’ll advocate when necessary.

I’ll give advice when it’s wanted.

I’ll sit quietly when words aren’t needed.

And I’ll remind my Kyds:

You belong in every room you step into.

This moment does not define you.

You don’t have to have everything figured out today.

And no matter how heavy life gets, you will never carry it alone.

Maybe that’s what our children need more than a parent who can fix everything.

A parent who stays.

I can’t promise my Kyds that life won’t hurt.

But I can promise them that when it does, they will always have somewhere safe to land.

And sometimes…

that’s the fix.

Be Great Today 

4 My Kyds